508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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