with your own penis?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
