There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
