I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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