my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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