Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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