I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
