I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
