It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
