Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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