So drunk, too bad you don't want this
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
