just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
