I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
