you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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