I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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