oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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