if only i could text you this smell
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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