Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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