Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I checked into jail on foursquare
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
