Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
