I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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