I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
