We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
