guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
