But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
