Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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