You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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