My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
