when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
