The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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