yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
