$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
