You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
