Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
