I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
