Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
