glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
