my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
