i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
