sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
