I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize