It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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