I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
