i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
