okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize