Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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