yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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