we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
