i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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