halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
