I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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