He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Please, let me fuck your mom
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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