he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
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Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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