i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
