you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
