Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
