wakey wakey hands off snakey
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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