Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
