I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I need moral support for this bender
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
