question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
