If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
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I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize