new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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