a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
