ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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