i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
