Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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