The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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