I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
