what day is it and did you see me today?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
